I skipped work to stalk him.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
