I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
