I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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