GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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