We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
