dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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