im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm at about main and main street
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
