I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
