He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
