Cold hands, warm shart.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize