Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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