We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
