They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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