THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
