The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
