Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
