dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
