oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize