cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
