Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
