Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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