dude i'm inner monologue high
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
