You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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