it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just invented taco cereal.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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