So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
