Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
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