i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
