i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
