You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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