I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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