Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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