I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I've blown a few things in my day
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
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