I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize