i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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