OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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