theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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