A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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