if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize