Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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