I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
