think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
