I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize