i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
