You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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