Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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