Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
