dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize