Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Dick very happy bro
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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