i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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