I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
