ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
