I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
So many bounce houses so little time
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize