She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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