I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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