cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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