No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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