I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
