you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
