There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
