i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize