this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
