Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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