Ambien. No doubt about it.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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