If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
