ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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