i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
