whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
