I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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