she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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