Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
