So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
