Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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