It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
