I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
