Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Randomize
