it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
