No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
