What did we do last night that was yellow?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
