at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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