Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
two words...techno handjob
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
50% drunk capacity currently
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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