Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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