You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We're too hungover to prance.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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