So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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