I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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