I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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