She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
