There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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