Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
