I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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