I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
