i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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