Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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