my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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