why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
