How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
