It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
