btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
