Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize