Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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